You're so nebulous sometimes
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize