Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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