so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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