Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Come back. Shots need mouths.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
