just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
