I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
