You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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