the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
