Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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