I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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