she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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