I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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