When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
