SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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