i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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