I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
