were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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