For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
