last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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