You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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