farters have to be the big spoon...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
