Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Randomize
