so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
