paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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