Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
