Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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