I accidentally had phone sex last night
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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