I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
