Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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