More tranny stories later!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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