we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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