Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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