why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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