So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he thought i was a dude.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
