wakey wakey hands off snakey
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
