Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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