watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
