dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
