if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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