i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Randomize
