No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We smell like vodka and hangover
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
