considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
