I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
17 year olds will be the death of me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
