I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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