i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
