You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
