I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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