I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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