She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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