two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
