bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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