when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
