Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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