His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
