he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
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Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
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I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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