I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
