Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
this is an emotional support booty call
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
