Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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