Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
