So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
