I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
