I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize