im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
