So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
