dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize