There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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