How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
