I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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