i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He passed out mid-signature
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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