Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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