also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
